


Downfall

by bloodofinnocence



Series: accepting and rejecting (revived) [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Art School, M/M, Sad, Tears, i wouldnt know i havent been here in ages its just that f/g is my comfort couple, is this fandom even still alive, post-art school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:11:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodofinnocence/pseuds/bloodofinnocence
Summary: it ruined everything.





	Downfall

**Author's Note:**

> 10 minute emotional baggage dump. hmu if you find typos.  
> set after the story that comes before this. (its been too long to remember the name)

 “I can't draw.” Quiet voice, quivering. “I can't. It hurts too much.”

Frank looks over, brows furrowed. “It hurts?”

“Yes. So much.” Gerard tightens his grip around his legs, pulled up to him on the couch.

The lid of Frank's laptop is closed and then he's sitting next to him. Suddenly he feels so naked. It's like everything that made him _him_ was suddenly stripped of him. “It's like everything I was is gone now.”

Frank's gaze lay on the sketch book on the coffee table. The white page is staring back at him, just like it did at Gerard. 

“You can't draw?” Frank asks. He sounds confused, and Gerard feels it in his bones.

“No, I can't.” 

“You don't know why?”

“No, I don't.”

Frank's lips are a thin line on his face. His lip ring is pushed to the side and it looks funny. Gerard wants to cry.

“I feel like vomiting, everytime I touch the pencil. That's not normal.” It's not normal. Usually he can draw just fine, even though it had dried out a little bit lately. It's not like it used to be, somehow. 

“No, that's not normal,” Frank agrees. His gaze shifts to him, and his eyes are sad, just like Gerard. “Do you feel alright?”

He swallows, and his eyes start burning. “No, not at all.”

“Because of this? Or … generally?”

A dry sob fights its way out of Gerard's throat. “I … I don't know. I thought it was fine, but …,” he trails off. It feels ridiculous. It was fine. He was fine, but somehow this is getting to him so bad. 

Frank nods. “Do you … want a hug?”

Gerard swallows again. Tears are growing in his eyes and when he nods one of them starts making its way downwards. Frank shifts closer and wraps his arms around his shoulders. Gerard buries his face in the crook of his neck. 

They sit still for a moment, just like that. Gerard starts to cry, and they sit there, shaking together, for another one. 

Frank smells like cookies and drugstore perfume, and Gerard wonders if hes planning to go out tonight. 

“It's okay to take a step back sometimes,” Frank's voice comes from above. “You don't have to push yourself.”

Gerard's hands grip his shirt. “But I  _want_ to. I want to,  _so bad._ ” His stomach is turning and bubbling with …  _this_ . Desire, passion, inspiration, _desperation_. It feels like he's bursting, like his hand can't comprehend what he's trying to do. “I just can't.”

“What are you scared of?” It's not mocking, but curious. He rubs slow circles on Gerard's back.

“I don't know,” he says, but he knows. He just doesn't have words for the dread in his stomach and pain in his heart. 

Frank is silent, but keeps rubbing. Then he sighs and confesses, “I haven't taken any photos since we left that school.”

Gerard feels like screaming. His lungs hurt. He gasps for breath, quietly.

“It's like it took all the energy from the medium. It's not just feelings and expressions anymore... it's theory, and planning, and a whole world of work for one perfect photo. It's too much effort now. Do you know?” 

His grip tightens, just as Gerard is about to break apart. 

“Is that what you mean?” His voice gets quieter. “Because I feel it too. It's in our brains now, all the things we never needed.” A moment passes, and then he adds, “It's holding everything back, because suddenly there's an explanation for everything. You overanalyse everything you do, because it has to have a meaning, and you know how to get that, but somehow you also don't.”

“ _Stop_.”

He falls silent. Gerard keeps shaking in his arms, his sobs filling the cramped space of their tiny living room.  



End file.
